Family

As per my post on January 1st, we knew my Grandpa wasn't doing well and hasn't been for a while. In and out of the hospital since Autumn and doctoring since the Summer - they were never able to pinpoint what it was until it was too late.

On Tuesday (the 2nd) my mom asked me to call her, she let me know that the doctors finally diagnosed my grandpa with stomach cancer. The specialist were going to come up with an action plan to make my grandpa as comfortable as possible the next few months and determine if surgery was even an option. Wednesday afternoon he went downhill fast. I was getting most of my updates thru text messages and quick phone calls but I knew it wasn't good. I kept asking my mom if I should come, but no one was telling me a definitive yes. After one phone call, I just sat in my living room and cried because I felt so hopeless and frustrated. I wanted to be there with them, not two provinces away, alone.

I'm not sure why I needed to hear someone say to come in order to make the decision. They were dealing with much more pressing issues than worrying about me. I realize now how stupid it was and how much time I wasted. After a bit of feeling sorry for myself, I phoned G and just told him I needed to go. He said he would take care of the flights. I called my manager, got my shifts covered and G did the same and booked our flights. This all happened Wednesday evening at around 7pm. I called my dad (it is his dad who was sick) and just told him we were flying out tomorrow morning and that was the soonest we could get there. I'm not sure why this phone call is so vivid in my memory, considering that evening was a blur, but I remember after telling my dad his voice changed and I could actually hear some of the stress being lifted off his shoulders. Here I was wanting them to tell me to book my flight but they wanted to hear me say I was coming home.

After that phone call I kicked it into high gear; packing, organizing, getting our house prepared for leaving long term, etc. G got home from work and booked our rental car and I checked us into our flight. I hit the wall around around 12:30am, with a text from my sister saying that grandpa had passed away, surrounded by everyone. I didn't have any energy after that...

We went to bed at 1am, alarm went off an hour later and we were out the door and on our way to Regina by 3am. We flew to Toronto, got our rental car and drove down to Windsor. My mom and dad greeted us at their house - I've never felt so relieved to be home. After talking with them for a bit, G and I went over to my grandma's house. Seeing her was tough. She was in the basement initially, needing some time away from all my other family who were upstairs. I went down and stayed with her until she was ready to go back upstairs. We had a really nice talk, shed a lot of tears with some big hugs.

The next few days were spent being together as a family, most people were off on bereavement from work. My grandpa didn't want a funeral, but I know he would definitely be happy with how many meals we shared all together as a family. There was also so much generosity from outside the family: platters of food, desserts, bouquets of flowers and plants, text messages, emails, phone calls of support and condolences. It was amazing.

Although, I still get sad sometimes and regret not being able to see him when he was alive, I'm glad I have a really good support system in my family. Also that G and I were able to drop everything and hop on a flight as soon as we did.

G and I are back to our Saskatchewan home now, but already looking forward to going back in April.

- M